Saturday, 23 May 2015

Why we resist change and what we can do about it

How to Overcome Fear and Start Your Next Writing Project (including a free worksheet to help you Take the Risk!) // Something Delicious

The last time a new opportunity surfaced for you, did you welcome it with open arms?  Turn it away?  Approach it with a healthy dose of caution?  I face life with a pretty open mind but changes, even the ones I bring on myself, can still throw me for a bit of a loop, especially when there's a risk involved.  And let's face it, there's almost always risk attached, because change usually means leaving a comfort zone, and leaving your comfort zone is scary stuff.

Let's clarify something: change can be risky without being dangerous or detrimental to your well-being.  It's important that we know this because our mind is going to try and tell us that it's NOT TRUE, that this is risky and bad and we shouldn't do it, nope, nope, nope.

Guess what?  When we go ahead and pursue the change, good stuff can happen.  Good stuff like ...


* starting a writing coaching business and realizing anew every day how much you love it
* watching Iron Man at the request of an old boyfriend and getting hooked on Marvel movies
* growing a tomato plant on your patio for the first time and receiving one perfect tomato
* navigating Montreal by yourself and discovering you can do it without being lost for too long
* going swing dancing with a friend when you've only ever been teased for your dancing, and having it change your life

I could have, and sometimes did, make excuses for why I wouldn't do any of those things ("I kill plants!" .... "I only speak un petit peu French!" ... "I can't dance!") and life would have been fine, but I feel so much richer for the things I've done than the things I haven't.  I do have my share of regrets ... things I've given up or let pass by when I felt that ugly resistance surface in my mind.  It's insidious, isn't it?  Telling you all the reasons why you shouldn't do something, drowning out the reasons you should.  Ugh.

This is something I still struggle with, talking myself out of things or just letting them drift away, but I don't want to do that anymore.  I read a wonderfully inspiring post from Jennypurr on this just the other day.  I want the "I did it/I tried that!" pile to outweigh the stack of regrets. I realized today, this is one of the reasons I love to read, both fiction and non-fiction: I see people taking risks and it reminds me that I can do that, too, that I can push through the muck and make it through and have a really good story on the other end, and maybe more than a story.

Yesterday I finished reading Barbara Delinsky's Sweet Salt Air.  I'll do my best not to spoil it (especially as I'd highly recommend it), but there's a character who's gotten stuck in a comfort zone - a beautiful one, I'll admit - and is reluctant, sometimes terrified, to step outside of it.  To say any more would spoil the ending, so I'll just tell you I was crying as this all came to a head.  Seeing someone face that fear, whatever the outcome, is powerful.

So what do we do about this resistance to change and risk?  It's a huge topic, one I plan to explore both in future blog entries and in my newsletter, but there's three things we can do right now.

Ready?  Let's do this.


BABY STEP ONE: IDENTIFY THE CULPRITS


So you know how we're always telling that nagging voice in our head, the one telling us how and why we can't do things, to take a hike?  We're about to throw it a bone.  Give it a cup of tea, tell it to get comfortable, because you've got some questions and you need answers.

"That change I want to make, the risk I want to take: why shouldn't I do it?  What's that?  Tell me again, I don't think I heard you the first time."

You want all the dirt, all the reasons why you shouldn't do this.  Maybe you want to start a garden but every plant you've ever owned has died and you only have a teeny tiny patio, or you want to write a novel but you've only ever written short stories.

Guess what?

That nagging voice just gave you exactly what you need to take on that risk like a champ.


BABY STEP TWO: BREAK IT DOWN


What we need to do now is take the "you can't do this because" and turn it around.

You don't have a lot of outdoor space and you kill plants.  What's the solution?  Get one or two (or three!  I dare you) resilient plants that need a minimum of care to thrive.

The longest thing you've written is 5,000 words.  That was doable, right?  If you're writing a 50,000 word novel, you just have to do that ten times!

Whatever it is you have to do, pick a start date, and make it soon.  This week is good; tomorrow is awesome; today is even better, because you don't want to give yourself a chance to come up with any more reasons why you shouldn't do this (but if you do, just turn it on its head, like you did with the others)!

BABY STEP THREE: GET STARTED


Day One is here!  Yay!

Um ... now what?

One of the hardest things about doing something new is getting started.  That first step doesn't mean you have to see it through to the end but it's still a commitment, so we're going to make this as easy as possible.  Figure out what the very, very, very first step is you need to take, and then do it!  Doesn't matter how small.  This is your Day One task.

You can't have a garden without plants, so get ye to the garden centre!  Go to a smaller one, if possible, rather than a chain store with acres of plants.  It will be less intimidating and the employees won't be generalists, they'll know exactly what works in your climate and your area.  Humble yourself: tell them exactly what you want and that it needs to be easy care.  Tell them you just want three plants, no more, no less, to spruce up your patio.  Wrap them up, take them home, and voila!

Time to write that novel!  Now, how long does it typically take you to write 5,000 words?  Take that time, add a bit of a buffer (just a wee one, mind you!) for a learning curve, and plunk it into Google Calendar, your paper planner, whatever you use to see what needs doing when.  Whatever you do, DON'T SCHEDULE ALL 50,000 WORDS!

WHEN ALL'S SAID AND DONE ...


"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."  (Thank you, Walt Disney!)

I'm going to heed Mr. Disney's advice and stop talking so you can start doing.  I hope you're starting to feel a tingle of excitement alongside your fear about launching yourself into that new project.  Take the Risk (it's totally worth it) and let me know how it goes!



If you want a fun challenge to help you get started, why not take two weeks to build an epic character foundation?  Click here or the image below to find out more!



5 comments:

  1. That's a really interesting post! Thanks so much for sharing it in my link up. Nice to meet you :)

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  2. Thank you, Alice! I had a lot of fun pulling this post together. It's lovely to meet you, too, I really enjoy your blog and figured it was about time I delurked ^_^

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  3. This is everything: "I want the "I did it/I tried that!" pile to outweigh the stack of regrets." HOLY CRAP. What a revelation.

    Thank you for writing this post. I totally struggle with the fear of starting things/change. I'm mulling over possibilities for the "I did it/tried that" pile.

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  4. Oh, April, that's so exciting that you're thinking of possibilities for your "I did it/tried that" pile now! I'm so glad this post struck home with you; your comment really made me smile. There's a pin I found recently that helps give me a boost when I'm feeling antsy about venturing outside my comfort zone. Maybe it will inspire you, too: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/76139049926929601/

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